


night time gives voice to ones mind

by the ghost of another life (rubphire10)



Category: No Fandom
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, if you cant handle it dont read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:49:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5386565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubphire10/pseuds/the%20ghost%20of%20another%20life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ones mind can be louder under a blanket of stars, but is that really a good thing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	night time gives voice to ones mind

I can't think straight, my mind devoid of anything unrelated to you, to what you said. Too heavy in thought and the what ifs that always accompany, there's no way I'll be able to do anything substantial for homework tonight. Oh well, at least what consumes my presence isn't something of idiocy. Love couldn't possibly be idiocy, not for us at least. We fit, perfectly fitting puzzle pieces, joining our minds, our bodies, our heart and soul. The kisses we shared, that you introduced me to, never could've happened with anyone else.

I've always been so scared, but with you I'm not. I'm almost never scared with you. The comfort in your words, the assurance that things will be okay, when nothing's ever calmed me before how you do now. My breakdowns and nightmares, mental insecurities and flaws, seem so trivial and false now that you’re here. They have seemed to practically disappear, only returning once the what ifs crawl back, attacking when you’re asleep and I stay up to finish things I shouldn’t have waited on.

My work that isn’t as important as talking to you while i can though. Later than I should stay up, my worries and thoughts invade, bringing with them my memories and insecurities about what I really want, if I'm good enough, if I'm worth anyone's effort and patience, questioning myself until my eyes burn because I've cried over this so many times.

When will my beautiful world of privilege come crashing down to leave me with what I truly deserve. what I truly deserve isn't much for questioning, I know I don't deserve anyone to care for me. What have I done to earn their love and compassion? I know I only end up hurting the people I care about, I push them away, drive them to hate me, and when they leave, I feel like I never know what exactly I did wrong.

Maybe it's just me, my existence, is what drives their hate forward. I'm not sure, but every time, I hope that it won't happen again, won't happen with you. I don't know if I can live without you after what we've gone through together. I daresay I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for your care, your words drawing me from my thoughts, although I should know that it's most likely a lie.

I've always been too weak, I can't control myself, my emotions. I honestly doubt I could force myself to inflict more than red marks to myself intentionally. The one time I managed to draw blood caused nightmares and sickness more than intended. That was only a week or two at most before you talked to me for the first time.

Your smile that night, asking if I was ok when I was almost to tears that night, put light in my life I hadn't seen in a long time. The competition after that only brought more light, the warmth of your hugs, the light in your eyes that day. You pushed all thought away from me exempting that moment and that moment only, every aspect of you screamed perfection, the perfection I'd later be able to call mine.

You put joy that I never knew I missed back into my life, a joy I never want to lose again. My nightmares, my breakdowns, they slowly started to fade, and the ones that didn't, you talked me through them with the reassurance that it'll be okay, whether you were of memory or reality at the time. Just knowing you were real calmed me sometimes.

My thoughts have become too jumbled now, I can't write any longer. good bye my dearest, and may I see you again soon.

**Author's Note:**

> writing is good to let the voices be heard, your mind wont stop until you listen to what it has to say.


End file.
